Snape Speaks Out
by Ms.Spades
Summary: This is entries Snape entrusted to me to share with you in hope you might learn from his mistakes. I hope you do. Enjoy and remember. Misery Ann Fear
1. Abyss

Snape Speaks out

Contents

Abyss

Rain

Fire

Why?

True Love

Abyss

It is a sunny day, yet here I stay in this dark prison I have made. On the outside cold eyes and a grim face that drives every one away. Inside is not much different. Inside there is nothing, but pain and suffering; and yet people believe that deep down in there is love, but love is buried next to hope in this lifeless void. Is there any escape? I do not know, but the few I have found will only bring more pain. I see no way out of this abyss without more suffering, so I stay. Yet a few still try to pull me out, while they too are in their own pit. Still others try from time to time, but they either fail and give up or I pull them into some hole so now we both need pulled out. Is there any hope for me? Some believe there still is, but I do not. I believe I was put here by old classmates for to stay, never breathing free air. Made a slave to serve until the day I die. There are few who believe I did this to myself. I know better, I did not choose this life, yet I can not change it no matter how much I wish. How I long to be free. How I long to do what I want to do not what I am told. Will I ever be freed, no one, not even me, knows.


	2. Rain

Rain

The sky is dark and foreboding. The stars have left, the moon is hiding and here I stand watching the clouds roll by. There is a crash and a flash then the rain comes poring down. I stand in the rain and wonder what it is it like where you are? Probably bright and warm, while here I am, dark and cold wishing to be with you, but I know I never will. How could I? Me, so harsh, so cold, be with some one so warm, so kind? How foolish I was to ever let myself love you, when I knew there was no chance of you returning my feelings. I was blind to the truth and wasn't honest with you or my feelings. Now you are gone and if I could go back I would tell you and see it would never happen. All you saw was him and all I saw was you, did you even notice me? Of course you did, but only when he was around. Did you once see me when he was no where to be seen? Did you once think of me with out thinking of him? As I stand here allowing the rain to mingle with my tears, I fear I may never know. For how could some one like me ever be with some one like you?


	3. Fire

Fire

I sit here alone. The fire has gone out and I do not fell like rekindling it at the moment. I take comfort in the cold darkness. It reminds me how different you and I are. I, like this darkness, am cold and dark, but you are like the fire, warm and bright. I wish I could say I did this for a reason, but I did not. I did it to get back at him. I blame him, but really it's me. I am to blame and again I am forced to think of how different we are. How much better you are than me. I think of you and I wish I were different. As I sit in this present darkness, I sit and weep. For you, for me, for us, for what might have been. As I think of you and weep, I think not of your hair nor your eyes, but of your spirit. Free and wild, a virgin and kind to all you see. I think of you and bring the fire back to life. I close my eyes and imagine its warmth does not come from the fire, but from you. I sit here alone and think of you.


	4. Six Feet Below

Six Feet Below

Here I am! Alone in the dark with no one to turn to! All have given up on me! All have lost hope! You would not have given up or lost hope. Where are you now? You lie six feet below next to him. I still can not bring myself to call him your… and you his… I can not even write it! It is still too hard for me. Why not me? I say one thing and you leave me, he insults you every day and you marry him? Why is he so different? Why not me? If you were here you could tell me, but you lie six feet below.


	5. True Love

True Love

True love is some thing few people find, yet find it they do. I did not find it. I loved her, but she loved another. What did he have I didn't? Besides being in her classes and being a pure-blood, nothing. Nothing that she would like, only that my classmates would like. Why? Why not me? Why not? If only you could tell me. If only you could be here with me. If only you, the beautiful angel that comes to me in my dreams, could be here with me, could comfort me in my enslavement in this black pit, but why would you? You are perfect and I, I am not. I could never dream of being perfect. I have fallen and deserve to stay here in this darkness. You my angel are the only thing keeping me alive in this hole. The sun has set and I know I will see you in my dreams, my beautiful angel.


	6. Potions Class

Potions Class

As my class works I watch him. He looks like his father and acts like him too, but his eyes are yours. Why can't he be more like you? Why can't he have the same sweet spirit as his mother? I wish he were more like you yet I am grateful he is not. If he were I could not stand to teach him. I could not look at him without thinking of you and mourning the loss. If only more people were like you and less like him, then my Slytherins might stand a chance to not end up like me, enslaved in a black pit. Why can't there be more people like you? The closest is Granger, but even she is not like you when it comes to my Slytherins. She condemns them to the same fate as me without even knowing them, without knowing their lives. Yet my only concern is young Malfoy. He is very much like me, except he has grown up in the wizarding world. As I sit here I watch him make all the same mistakes James made, but not you. Why can't he be more like you?


	7. Wake Up Call

Wake Up Call

I lay here not wanting to get up when I hear a voice. "Get up or you'll be late." It says, it sounds like the voice of an angel. I fell soft gentle hands massage my shoulders and back. I smile as the gentle hands continue their work. "You're really tense. Just relax." It says again in that angelic voice. It stops massaging me. "If you want it to continue wake up." It says teasing me, taunting me. I roll over and open my eyes, but I see no one. As the realization washes over me I silently mourn. I know that voice it belongs to her, Lily. I lay here wishing that it were only a dream, I close my eyes hoping that when I open them I will see her face smiling down at me. I open my eyes and see no one. I get up and get ready for another day of teaching, another day of wishing she were here with me.


	8. Last Hope

I find that as I sit here, I think on her and as I remember I go numb except in my heart. There is a hole there that burns and aches at even the slightest thought of her short existence in this world. I would do anything to bring her back even give my own life and all the while the pain begins to spread. Soon I shall have to stop for fear it may consume me causing me to loose my sane mind. I feel the burning ache that is at this moment spreading through my body as the numbness disappears as I am certain I shall one day do. I shall follow the numbness one day into black nothing hopefully to be reunited with my sweet lady, but I can only hope. In the end who knows how things will turn out. One can only hope. Hope is all we have in this life. We all hope for something and now I have confided to you my life's wish and thoughts, so that you may learn from my mistakes. ~ Severus Snape

This is the last entry Snape entrusted to me before that fateful night. I have found a journal of sorts he kept; I may later share its contents with you. We can only hope he was granted his last hope in life. We will never know till we join them in the afterlife. I do hope you learn from what he left us. ~Misery Ann Fear


End file.
